指考衝刺教學：命題式英文作文分享 Part III
http://www.learnerhall.org/2015/05/blog-post.html
謝謝「指考衝刺教學」桃園永豐高中同學的分享
題目：If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
With the times progress and the developing technology, our environment is more and more terrible. Garbage pollutes our rivers and lakes. Exhaust emission causes air pollution. And these problems might lead to diseases such as pant, lung cancer, asthma and so forth. There are lots of behaviors we ignored would make these poor phenomenon come out. （評） there is/are 在英文寫作中常屬贅字，建議刪。而 lots of behaviors 指的又是甚麼？須說明。Thus, we need to face these challenges and make proper changes.
（評）第一段開頭就需鎖定「一種」破壞家鄉的汙染形式來寫，如空污、水污等，不要開多個主題，多頭馬車型的寫法不易鋪陳論點，容易讓作文失焦。建議先討論家鄉的空污問題 → 說明問題形成的原因 → 分析問題的嚴重性和問題對當地居民造成的影響 → 所以解決問題刻不容緩。
If I am given the opportunity to tackle this problem, I would expand more green space, like parks, where residents can exercise. （評）重點是解決空污，而非提供居民運動的地方，應多鋪陳增加綠地對解決空污有何好處。Going to work or school by bike or take （評）主詞必須是名詞，故應改成 taking。the bus can also relax the crowded traffic except reduce the exhaust emission. （評）except （除…以外）是介系詞，後面須加名詞或 Ving。又 except 意指「將…排除在外」，即：騎腳踏車上學可紓解交通，但不可減少廢氣排放，這和事實不合。應將except 改成 besides / in addition to （除 … 以外也 …），即：騎腳踏車上學除可紓解交通，也可減少廢氣排放。由於文章主題為解決空污問題，建議先寫減少廢氣排放，把紓解交通當成附加好處。Although I want to change the environment of my hometown, it needs everybody to pay attention about these problems. （評）改寫成你會辦 … 活動，呼籲大家 …，這樣就成為你解決空污的另一個方法。I think the most important thing is that all the people who live on earth should protect it together. After it, we may think over to how to make our home better. （評）用 "我們只有一個地球 … 所以 …" 來收尾，再次強調立即改善污染的重要性，這樣可和第一段結尾相互呼應，這種寫法語氣和態度上都較有力。
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二修：下周上課，老師領著同學一起完成細部調整，調整方向涵蓋用字 / 文法 / 句型 / 文章結構 / 劇情邏輯等等，二修即最終定稿。定稿後，學生接著背誦自己的文章，將單字句構進一步內化。
Under the Dome, a video documentary investigating the serious air pollution in Beijing goes viral. It strikes a chord with me because I live in Taoyuan, a heavily industrial city, which has suffered the same problem for years. I think the primary sources of pollutants here include local construction dust, dust storms from China, and exhaust emission from motor vehicles as well as factories. Long-term exposure to the toxic air has led many of my neighbors to come down with diseases such as pant, allergies, and lung cancer. We shouldn't ignore the adverse effects of air pollution on human health and pretend they don’t even exist. Since the facts are right in front of our eyes, it’s time that we take immediate action to tackle air pollution head-on.
If I were given the chance to outline measures to reduce air pollution, I would first expand more green spaces like parks and plant more trees. Besides, I would make great efforts to launch campaigns that promote green transportation. To encourage people to leave their motor vehicles at home, I would make Taoyuan a city where moving on foot or by bike is safe, convenient and enjoyable. Moreover, I would request the government to enact strict environmental policies and impose heavy punishment on repeat violators who put their profits ahead of public health. After all, we have only one earth, so we had better start taking good care of it before it is too late.
（註） Under the Dome《穹頂之下》是中國前央視主持人柴靜自費製作的紀錄片。上線不到一週，吸引了上億人次觀賞。她從母親的角色出發，蒐集各項科學研究，善用科普動畫、圖片，以及生動的譬喻來解碼各項數據，這些新鮮的呈現方式，重新燃起大眾對空污議題的關注。
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