PART 4-2 邏輯骨架重整篇｜115 學年度全國第一次學測模擬考｜學生英文作文分享
http://www.learnerhall.org/2026/08/part-4-2115.html?m=0
上一篇 PART 4-1，我們作了初評，今天在正式「整骨」前，先和大家聊聊「寫作建築學」。
依據大考中心的學測英文作文評分標準，「內容與組織」合計占分高達 50% 。這意味著：即便文字平實，邏輯層次分明就能拿高分；反之，若論述鬆散、邏輯跳躍，再華麗的詞藻也難獲得閱卷老師的青睞。
所以，寫英文作文時，務必先蓋好穩固的結構骨架（論點邏輯），再進行室內裝潢（詞彙文法）。
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▋7/29 的全國一模英文作文寫作說明
科技改變了家庭互動的方式。請參照下方這兩張圖片，寫一篇文長至少 120 字的英文作文。第一段：描述兩張圖片呈現的差異。第二段：說明造成這個現象的原因，並談談自己的看法。
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陳同學的一模作文，大致切合大考中心對「優」等的要求——內容清楚切題，有細節支撐論點，組織完整，有開頭、發展、結尾，加上單字和文法錯誤較少，教研團隊預估可拿 14～15分 (滿分 20 分)。可惜踩了幾個「邏輯跳躍和串接不順」的坑，這也是和 16 分以上無緣的關鍵所在。
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▋來驗屋：抓出邏輯跳躍與串接不順
❸ 原句：The TV is also turned off, so the atmosphere becomes ❷ more silent and strange. 💡 ❸ Therefore, technology makes people become more distant from their family.
➤ 邏輯斷層：前一句描述「各自使用 3C、客廳變得安靜」直接跳到 ❸「因此科技讓家人疏離」，中間少了一層論述。 需在 💡 處加上「家庭互動減少」的證據，才能讓「用3C → 互動減少 → 情感疏離」這條因果鍊完整呈現。
➤ 修補斷層：💡❸ Even during dinner, family members exchange barely a word. Everyone has their eyes glued to their glowing screens, laughing out loud and chatting enthusiastically—not with their family, but with their online friends.
即便在晚餐時間，家人也幾乎不說話。每個人雙眼緊盯著發光的螢幕，一邊開懷大笑、一邊熱絡地聊天——不是和身旁的家人，而是和螢幕另一端的網友。
➤ 若想讓這一段因果鍊再收得更完整，可在...with their online friends 後方再加上一句小結論：
The once-happy family interactions end up being replaced by digital distractions and emotional isolation.
曾經很愉快的家庭互動最終被數位干擾和情感疏離所取代。
❻ 原句：so they gradually depend on technology and ❻ see it as their indispensable companion 💡 just like Doraemon and Nobita.
➤ 比喻錯誤：原句裡的 technology = it = companion = Doraemon，科技直接對應哆啦 A 夢，而不是「科技像哆啦 A 夢與大雄」。
➤ 修正語意：💡 Their digital gadgets are to them what Doraemon is to Nobita.
將 💡 處改成：現代人依賴科技，就像 Nobita 依賴 Doraemon，也就是說「科技產品之於現代人，正如哆啦 A 夢之於大雄」。 可用「A 之於 B，正如 C 之於 D」的句型 A is to B what C is to D 來表達。
❼ 原句：This is why family members do not talk to each other as much as before. 💡 ❼ For example, when I feel tired from schoolwork…
➤ 論述串接不順：前一句用 This is why 作結，下一句 ❼ 卻又以 For example（比如說）從自身經驗舉例，形成「結論 → 舉例」，論述跳躍。
➤ 語序優化：Their digital gadgets are to them what Doraemon is to Nobita. 💡 ❼ Take my family, for example. When I feel tired from schoolwork, I usually ❽ open my cellphone first and check social media, because it can make me relax. Sometimes my family members also ❾ do the same thing, and we have less communication. This is why family members do not talk to each other as much as before.
將自家經驗搬到 This is why 前面，形成「例子→ 觀察 → 結論」，論述更流暢。
➤ 若要讓收束整段的大結論 This is why... 這句再提升一個層次，強化科技「原本用來連結人 ↔ 實際上卻造成疏離」的反差，可以這樣寫：
Technology, which is designed to bring us together, has only left us more disconnected than ever.
原本設計來讓我們關係更緊密的科技，卻讓我們比以往更加疏離。
❾ 原句：...my family members also 💡 ❾ do the same thing, and we have less communication.
➤ 細節不足：do the same thing（做一樣的事）語意模糊，缺乏具體細節，也錯失了藉由描繪細節來展現詞彙能力的機會。
➤ 補足細節：My family members💡 ❾ often immerse themselves in browsing online stores, editing photos, or binge-watching Netflix series; we
將 💡 處改成：逛網店、 修圖、追劇等，讓家人「各自為政」的情境更有畫面感。
❿ 原句：Sometimes my family members also ❾ do the same thing, and we have less communication. 💡 ❿ I think technology plays an important role in our daily life, but if we use it too much...
➤ 缺少過渡串接詞：前面幾句已透過自身經驗說明科技使用如何影響家庭溝通，若 ❿ 直接從親身經歷轉入「雖然科技是我們的生活好夥伴，但仍應有限度地使用」， 少了「準備收束」的訊號，語意有點卡頓。
➤ 加串接詞：💡 ❿Overall, I think technology plays an important role in our daily life, but if we...
在💡處加上 overall（整體而言、總的來說）放在 I think 前， 滑順銜接結論。
⓫ 原句：We should learn how to balance technology and family life. 💡 ⓫ Otherwise, even though we live under one roof, our hearts may ⓬ become more far away.
➤ 轉折重複：otherwise（否則）與 even though（雖然）同時使用，形成兩層轉折，干擾語意且顯累贅。
➤ 刪除其中一個，再調整語句：💡 ⓫ Otherwise, we may live under the same roof with our hearts growing further apart.
去掉第二層轉折連接詞 even though，只留下開頭的副詞 otherwise，句子變得俐落且語意清晰。將後半句 our hearts may become 調整為 with + N + adj.（伴隨著……），化解 live / become 兩個動詞分別帶出兩個句子、卻缺乏連接詞的問題。順便修正中式英文 more far away，換成 further apart（分離、疏遠），描述 hearts 的情感距離。
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結構骨架校正了，離精緻高分好文還差最後一步：長皮肉（文法與詞彙）。想看這篇一模作文，如何再次蛻變？ 鎖定文法與詞彙精修篇 PART 4-3。
