PART 4-3 詞彙文法精修篇｜115 學年度全國第一次學測模擬考｜學生英文作文分享
http://www.learnerhall.org/2026/09/part-4-3115.html?m=0
上一篇穩固了文章「骨架」，掃除了邏輯跳躍和串接不順的障礙。 但是要讓這篇一模作文從「邏輯通順」蛻變成「精緻高分好文」，還差最後一步：長皮肉（詞彙文法）。
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▋今年 7/29 考的全國一模英文作文寫作說明
科技改變了家庭互動的方式。請參照下方這兩張圖片，寫一篇文長至少 120 字的英文作文。第一段：描述兩張圖片呈現的差異。第二段：說明造成這個現象的原因，並談談自己的看法。
▋學測英文衝刺班｜ 武陵高中陳同學分享｜平衡科技使用與家庭生活
➤ 下面是原文經「整骨」後，已見 16+ 高分作文的樣貌
第一段
❶ Technology has changed our family life a lot. In the first picture, the family sit together on the sofa and watch TV happily. They are talking and sharing the moment with each other. However, in the second picture, although the family members are still in the same living room, everyone focuses on their own electronic devices. The father is using a tablet, the boy is playing online games, and the mother is using her cellphone. The TV is also turned off, so the atmosphere becomes❷more silent and strange. Even during dinner, family members exchange barely a word. Everyone has their eyes glued to their glowing screens, laughing out loud and chatting enthusiastically—not with their family, but with their online friends.
第二段
In my opinion, the development of technology is the main reason ❹of this phenomenon. People can get information and entertainment more ❺convenient than before, so they gradually depend on technology and see it as their indispensable companion. Their digital gadgets are to them what Doraemon is to Nobita. Take my family, for example. When I feel tired from schoolwork, I usually ❽ open my cellphone first and check social media, because it can make me relax. My family members often immerse themselves in browsing online stores, editing photos, or binge-watching Netflix series; we have less communication. Technology, which is designed to bring us together, has only left us more disconnected than ever. Overall, I think technology plays an important role in our daily life, but if we use it too much, it may isolate people from their family. We should learn how to balance technology and family life. Otherwise, we may live under the same roof with our hearts growing further apart.
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▋開始更動裝潢，精修詞彙文法
❶ 原句：💡❶ Technology has changed our family life a lot. In the first picture, the family sit together on the sofa and watch TV happily. They are talking and sharing the moment with each other. However, in the second picture, although the family members are still in the same living room, everyone focuses on their own electronic devices. The father is using a tablet, the boy is playing online games, and the mother is using her cellphone.
➤ 去掉 first picture／second picture 這種著重「人／物點點名」的框架。這樣雖然安全、清楚，但讀起來比較死板。 建議改用「左圖過去／右圖現在」，微調時態，建立一條家庭互動變化的時間軸。因為這個題目想凸顯的不是「圖裡有哪些人、哪些裝置、做了什麼動作」， 而是「家庭互動如何隨著科技發展而改變」。
➤ 以時間軸開啟敘述視角：💡❶ The rapid advancement of technology has changed our family life a lot. Families #used to sit together to watch TV, talking and sharing the moment with each other. However, #nowadays, family members may still gather in the same living room, but everyone focuses on their own electronic devices.
➤ 再次轉換敘述視角：The father is using a tablet...這種「條列特定人物清單」的寫法，有點像記流水帳，建議改用「這種景象其實是現代家庭的縮影」來切入：A scene that has become increasingly common in modern households looks like this: the father is using a tablet, the son is playing online games, and the mother is using her cellphone.
這樣的場景，如今在現代家庭中越來越常見： 爸爸用平板，兒子玩線上遊戲，而媽媽用手機。
➤ 若想升級詞彙的話，可以這樣做：
** has changed our family life a lot >> has significantly/dramatically/profoundly changed our family life
** focuses on their own electronic devices >> is absorbed in their virtual worlds/ is preoccupied with their own digital devices
** the mother is using her cellphone（換掉重複的 using）>> the mother is checking her cellphone
❷ 原句：The TV is also turned off, so the atmosphere becomes 💡 ❷ more silent and strange.
➤ 去除中式英文 more silent and strange，「電視被關掉」換成 with + N + adj.（伴隨著……）來變化句型，這樣才不會每句都是「主詞 + 動詞」開頭：With the TV turned off, the atmosphere feels unusually/ strangely quiet.
❹ 原句：In my opinion, the development of technology is the main reason 💡❹ of this phenomenon.
➤ 修正文法錯誤和去除贅詞：reason 後方需搭配介係詞 for N。In my opinion 可去除，因為整篇作文都是作者的看法。
➤ 若想讓句子更漂亮的話，可以這樣做： Excessive use of digital devices is/ Over-reliance on technology is/ Addiction to technological gadgets is the main reason for this phenomenon.
❺ 原句：People can get information and entertainment more 💡 ❺ convenient than before, ...
➤ 修正文法錯誤：修飾動詞 get，需將 convenient 改為副詞 conveniently。
➤ 若想升級詞彙的話，可以這樣做：get information and entertainment more conveniently >> have easier access to information and entertainment >> access information and entertainment more easily
❽ 原句：When I feel tired from schoolwork, I usually ❽ open my cellphone first and check social media, because it can make me relax.
➤ 修正中式英文 open my cellphone 和詞彙搭配不自然的 make me relax：把 open 換成「伸手拿」grab/ pick up/ reach for my cellphone。it can make me relax 改成 it helps me relax ，語意較自然。
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115 學年度全國第一次學測模擬考英文作文分享系列，陪陳同學一起走過初步評析 (PART 4-1)、邏輯重塑 (PART 4-2)、詞彙文法精修 (PART 4-3)，即將迎來最終定稿。
