學生作品分享｜詞彙文法精修篇｜學測英文翻譯寫作班 ：你選哪個第二外語？(3)
http://www.learnerhall.org/2026/06/3.html
 |
➤ 學測英文翻譯寫作班 ｜ 北一女吳同學分享
上一回穩固了文章的「骨架」，清除了邏輯跳躍的地雷。 但是要讓文章從「邏輯通順」蛻變成「行雲流水」，還差最後一步：長皮肉。
今天我們就來精修第二段的文法與詞彙，看看如何將這份稿子全面升級成閱卷老師眼中的滿分範文！
➤ 第二段
2️⃣ 🔹 (If I can master one foreign language, it would be French.) The reason why I choose it is that it is spoken as an official language in over 20 African countries. Achieving high proficiency in French will allow me 🔹(to start my electric engineering business) and connect with local communities and business partners seamlessly. 3️⃣ With its cheap labor, abundant solar and wind resources, vast tracts of land, and 🔹(closeness) to major markets, 🔹(I could reduce much of my cost and thus my company has more chance to thrive). 5️⃣ However, 🔹 (the purpose I start business there isn't just for my ambition in making a fortune, but increase the well-educated population there and make people in Africa have a better level life). Therefore, I intend to reinvest our profits into developing 7️⃣🔹 (basic facilities, sanitation system) and educational institutions.
➤➤雕琢文法和詞彙
2️⃣ 原句：If I can master one foreign language, it would be French.
針對未來作假設的 if 條件句公式：If S1 + V1（現在式）, S2 + V2（will + V原）
修正文法：If I can master one foreign language, it will be French.
原句：... to start my electric engineering business...
詞彙細修：
🔹 升級 start → launch（開始）｜establish / found（創立）｜venture into N（冒險跨足進入N）
🔹修正 electric (adj) 用電驅動的 → electrical (adj) 和電相關的
🔹 升級 business → enterprise（企業）｜venture（帶開創性、冒險性的商業投資或是新公司）｜energy industry（能源產業）｜green energy sector（綠能領域）
3️⃣ 原句：... I could reduce much of my cost and thus my company has more…
修文法，使時態對稱：... I can reduce much of my cost and thus my company can stand…
詞彙細修：
🔹 升級 closeness → proximity（鄰近性）
🔹 替換 reduce（減少） → cut/ lower（降低減少）｜minimize（最小化）
🔹 升級 cost（常用複數） → operational costs（營運成本）｜production costs（生產成本）｜overhead expenses（經常性開銷）
🔹 升級 has more chance to thrive → 片語 stand a greater/ better chance of thriving
5️⃣ 原句：... isn't just for my ambition...but increase the well-educated population...
不只 A 連 B 都 …… = not just A but (also) B，A和B詞性要對稱。原句的A是介係詞片語，B卻是動詞。
修文法，使結構對稱：... isn’t just to make a fortune but (also) to expand access to education...
🔹 修正 The purpose I start business → My purpose of / in starting｜The reason why I want to start
🔹 語意盲點increase the well-educated population 這說法很怪，因為企業無法「增加當地的人口數量」 → 充其量只能 expand access to education（擴大受教育的機會）｜nurture local talents（培育當地人才）｜offer educational resources（提供教育資源）
🔹 修正中式英文make people in Africa have a better level life → improve / better / boost（提升） African people’s life / living standards（生活水準）/ quality of life（生活品質）
7️⃣ 原句：... basic facilities, sanitation system ...
🔹 升級 basic facilities → 不可數名詞 infrastructure（基礎建設）
🔹 修正 system 為可數名詞需加s → sanitation systems
－－－
這次的學測作文分享系列，大家和吳同學一起走過初步評析（第一篇）、邏輯重塑（第二篇）、文法與詞彙精修（第三篇）。請鎖定下一篇：最終回，一起見證她的寫作成長！
