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學測衝刺教學:命題式英文作文分享(一)

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  • 2014-09-28
  • 學測作文近年來命題形式除先前分享的看圖寫作外,也可能出現和指考作文類似的「命題式作文」和「書信寫作」。今天,我們一起看看同學以 breakfast 為題所寫成的文章吧。

    感謝「大學堂英文」衝刺教學 北一女中呂同學的分享

    題目:

    台灣隨處可見各式各樣的早餐店。有些人習慣早起,只為了悠閒從容地享受一頓營養的早餐。有些人寧願在被窩裡多待一會兒,而選擇不吃早餐。請以早餐為主題,談談你平日早上用餐的狀況,並說明吃不吃早餐對你的影響

    初稿:老師於課堂上講解寫作方向,提示詞彙片語後,請同學於週間完成初稿,並寄至指定信箱。
    As a student who rents a house near the school, I always buy my breakfast near my place on my way to school. It used to be a cup of soybean milk and a sandwich. (評)建議改成慣用句型:My quick breakfast usually includes… After I get into my class, I eat them while taking the morning test. However, I sometimes forget to eat them because I am busy preparing an important report or cramming for a big exam. Not until the noon do I find my breakfast is still in my bag. (評)可試著用「原封不動」這種寫法會更生動:find + N + adj,ex: find my breakfast lying intact in the bag. On the weekend, the friendly shopkeeper who sells the breakfast評)早餐店老闆:the owner of the breakfast spot will prepare some fresh salad especially for me. Her smashed potato with lettuce is the most delicious dish I ever taste.(評)慣用完成式:that I have ever tasted

    第一段(評)論述邏輯重整︰早餐內容 > 常因…原因忘記吃 > 沒吃早餐造成…負面影響 > 決定要好好吃早餐。所以早餐店老闆拿手的 smashed potato 這點子搬到開頭前幾句寫比較好。

    Most people agree that breakfast is the most important meal in a day. To me, having breakfast is just like putting batteries into a robot and that can make me full of energy and learn more efficiently.(評)好點子,可多延伸「充電」的概念,並精簡句子,如︰it recharges my body and mind, making me energetic and productive. If I forget to have breakfast, I will be hard(評)hard不形容人,建議用上面提過的 find + N + adj 句型,ex: I find it hard to … to concentrate on my studies and sometimes fail the test. Also, it would be possible to ruin the good friendship because of the bad mood評)可再加料說一說怎樣的壞心情影響了人際關係,可用的詞如︰mood swings (心情陰晴不定)或 irritability(焦躁易怒)caused by not having the breakfast. Breakfast is to me what spinach is to Popeye the sailor that really brings a lot of benefits.(評)菠菜和 Popeye 的比喻很棒,但a lot of benefits 感覺說得不夠清楚,含糊帶過,結尾因此弱掉了。建議加句子,明確寫出吃早餐的優點。

    第二段(評)論述邏輯重整︰吃早餐對你的正面影響/ 吃早餐的好處 > 好的早餐吃什麼 > 再以吃早餐很重要當結尾,做出前後呼應的效果。If I forget to have … caused by not having breakfast 這段文字點出不吃早餐的負面影響,放到第一段寫,結構會更好。

    二修:下週上課,老師領著同學一起完成細部調整,調整方向涵蓋用字 / 文法 / 句型 / 文章結構 / 劇情邏輯等等,二修即最終定稿。定稿後,學生接著背誦自己的文章,將單字句構進一步內化。
    As a student who rents house off campus, I always buy my breakfast on my way to school. My quick breakfast includes soybean milk and a sandwich. I usually have them while taking the morning test. However, sometimes I forget to eat them because I am too busy writing assignments or cramming for exams. Not until noon do I find my breakfast lying intact in the plastic bag. Without breakfast, I find it hard to concentrate during morning classes and sometimes fail the tests. Moreover, mood swings and irritability caused by missing breakfast have a negative impact on my interpersonal relationships. No wonder people always say that breakfast is the most important meal of a day. To start out my day on the right track, I make it a rule to have a healthy breakfast.

    As to breakfast choices, I tend to go for breakfast that combines good carbohydrates and fiber with some protein. For example, I might make myself a bowl of oatmeal, sweeten it with milk and a bit of honey, and top it with fruit and nuts. To me, having breakfast is just like putting batteries into a robot. It recharges my body and mind, making me energetic and productive. A healthy, nutritious breakfast is my most powerful weapon against a hectic and chaotic morning. Lean and light does start my morning right!

    身為一個在校外租屋的學生,我總在上學途中買早餐。我的簡便早餐包括一杯豆漿和一個三明治。我通常邊考晨考,邊吃早餐。然而,有時我會忘了吃,因為我忙於趕作業,或考前臨時抱佛腳。直到中午,我才發現我的早餐還原封不動地在塑膠袋裡。少了早餐,發現自己上午的課很難專心,有時還會考不及格。而且,沒吃早餐所引發的情緒波動和焦躁易怒對我的人際關係產生了負面影響。難怪人們總說早餐是一天最重要的一餐。為讓每天一開始就步上正軌,我將享用健康早餐變成我守則。

    至於早餐選項部分,我傾向選擇結合好的碳水化合物、纖維質和一些蛋白質的早餐。比如說,我可能為自己煮一碗燕麥片,用牛奶和一點蜂蜜帶出甜味,最後灑上水果和堅果類。對我而言,吃早餐就像把電池放進機器人裏一般。早餐為我的身心充飽電,讓我活力滿滿,效率高。健康營養的早餐是我對抗忙亂早晨的強力武器。精簡、清淡,正確地開啟我的早晨時光!



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